The Lesser Evil

Someone told me that for a married man, getting a hand job is a lesser evil. I agree.

For me, evil isn’t defined as something scary that you’re going to hell in eternal damnation when you die. After all, there’s no such thing as like that. Evil is just something which involves pain or danger in this world. As long as it’s contained in hand job where there’s no sexual intercourse involved, everything’s fine. Yet it’s still evil in the sense that instead of your money spent on it, it should have gone to pay your bills or buying your wife and kids of the things they want. Well, if you’re a rich guy, you don’t have a problem. Evil comes in when you don’t have time anymore with your family. Surely, they’ll be hurt.

Anyhow, all of us have both good and evil playing in our lives. Even with the holiest person you may see in the church ground, you don’t know what he does in the dark when no one’s around. All of a sudden, you hear in the news that your parish priest, whom you thought to be very religious and spiritual, is all the while involved in child molestation or sex with a minor. I say, the priest has committed a greater evil where pain is severe because of the trauma caused on the child.

However, for a man who can’t control his sexual desires for another woman, instead of fucking around, masturbation must be done. After cumming, lust will subside.

If solo masturbation is a boring routine for you, then go for a hand job at least once in two weeks and politely ask the woman to make your dick happy (both should wear face mask and face shield since there’s still no vaccine for covid-19). After, sanitize hands with alcohol.

That’s lesser evil. Comparing you’re maintaining an extra-marital love affair, it’s expensive. Trust me. I’ve been around. Not only it drains your pocket, it’s also mind draining because you’re living in constant fear of getting caught.

During a hand job (which I recently did in the car), it’s almost close to impossible of getting caught by your wife. Just in case, you’re caught, tell her, “Honey, it’s just a hand job. Nothing happened. I didn’t put my penis inside her vagina. We didn’t even kiss. There was social distancing. I was in the driver’s seat while she’s in the front seat.” Hehehe!

No one gets pregnant. No one gets HIV. No one gets covid.

But to be honest, it’s so very yummy when you’re on top fucking a different attractive woman. The more it gets to be yummier when she’s the one on top, especially when she’s very good in pumping and grinding! My saliva is now dripping, recalling those moments I had with different girls at the motel.

to lust or not to lust

This pandemic has brought a drastic change in my life. Before, whenever there was an opportunity to fuck an attractive girl, I did it without hesitation. Now when this damn covid started to penetrate our city since March of this year, even when presented with an opportunity and even though deep inside I dislike it, I turn away from temptation.

I’ve been receiving messages from my social media account from the women I fucked before. Some just miss fucking for the pleasure of it while some are ready to massage fuck in exchange of money.

When hiv came into my awareness in the 90’s, I was afraid a little but it didn’t stop me from feeding into my carnal desires. I still fucked and fucked every pretty women I came across with. Some I wore protection while I some, I didn’t.

This covid is different. Maybe because of the daily news that I heard, seen and witnessed, it somehow pushed me back with my lust being suppressed. Of course, I know, lust can’t be suppressed for long. It has to come out in one way or the other. This is where watching porn while masturbating comes in. But I also know, it can’t always be like that. There has to be some variation. Masturbation is still there but watching not a porn video but staring at a seductive woman on the street while I’m in my car. Sometimes, gazing at an attractive woman dressed in mini skirt, I would then lock in her image into my mind. I try to concentrate on her chest, butt and crotch, not minding her face mask… So later at night, I would then fuck my wife, with that woman still on my mind, I would try to cum. And I cummed. Although not that great compared fucking a different real woman but at least, I cummed.

I must admit that it’s difficult for me to achieve orgasm when I fuck my wife. We’ve been fucking for so many years now. Time comes it’s getting boring yet still I have to fuck her. I feel like it’s my responsibility to fuck her regularly. Because if not, I could cause depression on her, making her think I don’t want her anymore.

Please don’t get me wrong. I love her truly. I really do. She has done wonderful things to me that no woman has ever done before. She’s the mother of our kids. She raised them very well that they become respectful and loving. She has forgiven me many times. She let me see what true unconditional love really is.

But my lust for other woman can’t be extinguished. Countless times I tried to before but I always failed. I guess lust is here to stay forever. I realize my being a carnal man is part of who I am. On the other hand, if I really want to take away my lust with all determination and discipline, I think I can annihilate it. But then again, if it happens, can I still write erotica? Can I still write about love and romance? Can I still live life with excitement, thrill and ecstatic joy? I don’t think so.

Rainer Maria Rilke said, “Don’t take my devils away, because my angels may flee too.”

I’m mystified by Rilke’s words yet I’m constantly guided.